I am Still Your Momma

I missed you today, but that's nothing new. I'll miss you tomorrow and all the next tomorrow's forever...and my yesterday's too.
My mind gets so full of memories of you and your brothers and sister too that I can't speak, or eat, or even think. I act differently too. I'm not just your Momma but I'm theirs too. Through all of this I haven't stopped being anyone's Momma. I'm just not the one from before, you know from what happened to you.
I play the old tapes over and over again in my head. As if in doing so will stop all of the madness from happening again. But wait, AGAIN! What am I saying? Your gone! That's forever! An ending! None of this can be repeated, resolved, figured out. It's just over. The end...so perpetually permanent. Infinitely finite....our lives a paradox.
See, to me you still exist. Your life, the memories, my son number two of five children. All of your funny, beautiful, spectacular big and little things that made you who you are, they are all alive inside of my mind. As vivid as the day I laid my eyes upon yours.
So, I will live here on this earth still missing you because you are physically gone from me. Yet, I am still your mother. You, are still my son. Son number two of five children. Your smile, your laugh, your big brown eyes that made my heart melt, are and will always be alive and a part of my heart. Because  I am still your Momma!

I love you to the moon and back. More than all the stars in the sky. More than the warmest of sunshine on my face. Until my last breath. I will Always love you.

Momma

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