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Always Loving Him 💙

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There are just days when I wake up and they are beautiful, and I can go out into the world and do and be and function like I did before everything went so horribly wrong. I still think of you often on those days. I still weep in silence and speak your name, but it doesn't make my heart ache to where I am paralyzed from it. Then there are still those days where I get so overwhelmed by the pain of knowing that I will never, in my lifetime, see, touch, hug, laugh with you, or share another Moment with you that it shakes me to the core of my being! I want any other Mother or Father out there to hear me on this. It is ok to be a total mess sometimes. To wake up and feel like you've made no progress and that you just want to hide from the world. Do not feel like you are alone in this! The sad fact of all of this is that even if your family and closest friends do not understand why you are the way you are, there are millions of people out there who do! The number is growing daily. I...
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Five Months

Waking up is not always hard but today it wasn't easy or something that I particularly wanted to do. This day, well, this day marked 5 months since we got the dreaded call from a Florida hospital that you were gone. It was the worst night of my life. I had to wrap my head around the fact that you were never going to come back. No more phone calls, no more I love you Mom, not one more fight and not one more I'm sorry for either one of us. It was over forever! Then I had to figure out how to make sense of what just happened enough to call your brothers. Oh my God your two brothers who were like partners in crime with you. How was I to tell them that their brother, their best friend was gone?!?! I had to wait until morning to tell the youngest two, Dalton was at a friend's and Caroline was asleep. How in God's holy name did I tell them? Those were to be the hardest words I ever had to speak. The hardest words my husband ever had to finish. The next few hours were a blur,...
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My Collin's Babies First Easter

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Easter has always been an important time in our house. Yes we celebrate the traditional Easter Bunny and baskets full of candy. However, this Easter seems to be harder on me than last. I guess seeing my grandson hold his stuffed bunny and chew on his little rubber bunny bendy sticks brought back so many memories. They are all good of course. One in particular sticks out in my head more than others. Collin was about 4, and we had an Easter egg hunt in the courtyard in the apartments that we lived at. We had, must have been about 50 eggs all over. That boy loved his Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. We put change in with the candy and had so much fun doing it. There was all kinds of candy. But what we didn't know was that the squirrels cracked open the eggs with the peanut butter eggs in them and ate  the Reese's cups. So when the boys, Collin and Cody, found their prizes, all that were left were the wrappers and change. We all laughed so hard are belly's and cheeks hurt. I ca...
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