Embrace What You're Feeling

Embracing all of my emotions, at first, was an issue.  I realized that I was entitled to whatever feelings happened to appear. You may experience intense anger, guilt, denial, sorrow, and fear, all of which are normal for a bereaved parent. Nothing is off the table, At times, these emotions could come up all at once. Nothing is wrong with me and I wasn't crazy. If the urge to cry comes up, just do it. Give yourself permission to feel. Keeping your emotions bottled up is just way too hard. If you keep your emotions inside, you'll only make yourself feel worse about the saddest thing you have ever experienced. Most likely you'll make yourself insane if you do. It's perfectly natural and even healthy to let yourself feel everything you can about this loss, because this will put you on the path to accepting it. The path to recovery. You won't ever fully be able to get over it, but you'll be able to build the strength to deal with the death of your child. If you don't embrace your feelings, you won't be able to move forward.
I'm not in the place where I completely understand or I've moved on. I'll never move on from my child. I will Never leave him and he will never leave me. However, I'm attempting to take steps forward daily. Along with the people I love and who love me. However, This is NOT a journey to take alone. Reach out for the hands of those you love. Hold on tight. Be honest with them. Let them know your pain. Tell them what you are feeling because they do not know. Some do not even understand and as human beings we are not mind readers. Listen to them as well, for they too have pain. It's different from yours but they suffer as well. In all of this you will discover a connection to others like you've never known before. One, because now you are listening to hear, looking to see, and holding on because of the need for love and life not just for yourself but for all humanity. I've found that it's become part of a greater purpose. You may find something different altogether. You will find something in it though, this I promise you.
So, despair not. You are not alone. Feel what you feel. Do not be ashamed. Know that you are loved beyond measure. Now go and take that first step, whatever that means for you. I promise it will be better than it was yesterday, even if only for a moment.

 All My Big Love

 Collin's Momma

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sharing Another Mother's Grief

This poem was written by Aline Lomastro Losing a child Do you want to know what it is like to lose a child? Sit down, let's talk, this could take quite a while. At first you are in shock, and then you are in denial. And pretty soon reality puts your emotions on trial. You lose so much, but the first you lose is your smile. To others you seem okay, but you really are not. The grief that you feel is only the start Because your child now lives only in your heart You treasure each picture that is all you have got You cling to memories that you thought you forgot You know your life will never again be the same. You pretend things are okay, and you hide your pain. You just want someone to mention his name. So you can imagine that he is beside you again. Sometimes you feel like you are going insane You still feel all alone, even when in a crowd. Others can speak of their children of whom they are proud, But to talk about your child, somehow isn't allowed So your
Read more

What I wouldn't do for 5 more minutes....

If someone had told me 2 years ago I be sitting here writing a Blog about the death of my son, I would have probably not believed them. Not that I didn't doubt that there was a possibility that my son will not be here, it would have been more about the blog. In my own abilities to write something that would affect others lives in a positive way. That was what this blog started out to be. To share my experience, strength, hope, and love, so not one more mother or father felt alone in their grief. The loss of a child to addiction is not like any other loss. Not that I'm discounting any other parents loss, don't take me wrong. Any loss, any grief in this way is horrifying. No parent should bury a child. I don't care what age. I don't care what the reason. However, watching your child kill themselves over an extended period of time is excruciating, unnecessary, and something that no one should have to endure. My story is similar to everyone else's and yet unlike e
Read more

Just a little bit

How do you put down in just a few sentences memorializing a life cut short by heroin and addiction? Collin was larger than life. Loved by all who knew him. He stood up for the little guy. Believed in justice for all. Gave all when he had nothing. Loved deeply. Lived like there was no tomorrow. More than anything he was loved beyond measure, beyond this life, into eternity. Heroin and addiction stole everything but the love. There is hope. He would want us all to spread the hope and the love. Collin we will love you for always. This was for Shatterproofs 5k in Kansas City... It's Me © Jacqueline Grieve Published on March 2011 Hey, you guys, don't feel guilty, It was just my time to go. I can see you're all feeling sad, I can see the tears still flow. My life's journey ended early, The path I chose was short. You all tried your best to change it, But in the end it was for me to sort. I know I caused you sadness, I know caused you pain, But I was cap
Read more