The light at the end of the tunnel

Every day that I wake up it's different. I never knew waking up could be such a task. The sunny days seem to be a little easier but then memories will flood in like a tidal wave and flood my mind with days long past, moments not so long ago, and moments that I had dreamt of. Sometimes a smile will sneak upon my lips as if Collin were actually in the room. Those are great moments. Then suddenly a tear will follow, silently falling down my cheek like a little whisper. A fragment of him slipping from me. I hurry to catch it before it falls to the ground. I can't nor do I want to lose not one piece of him.
I fight every day to save him, his memory. To honor the good in him. Oh, and there was so much good in him. Before all the addiction and hurt and demons. There was a bright shiny larger than life child who loved! He loved so much and for all the right reasons! I think I miss that the most. The love, the laughter, the excitements in his eyes when he had something new to show or tell me! Holding on to moments like these gets me through the moments of Darkness where even the sunshine can't break through.
The darkness of his addiction and everything that entailed cannot be what defines him or I at the end of it all. We were then and are now a family. A strong loving crazy family of survivors! We went through so much together and for addiction to steal that, well I just won't stand for it.
He was more than the Addiction! WE ARE MORE THAN THE ADDICTION!  It may have taken his life in the end but not his light! His light will shine on in the Darkness. There is hope for the hopeless. There is Love for the unlovable. There is healing for even the sickest of the sick.
So reach out to those hurting. And you in the Darkness, look for that light and grab onto it there will be someone at the other end reaching out and holding on with all that they have. I'm fighting for you for my son's name. With all that I have and all that I am. His life and his light will carry on. We will be the light at the end of that tunnel.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sharing Another Mother's Grief

This poem was written by Aline Lomastro Losing a child Do you want to know what it is like to lose a child? Sit down, let's talk, this could take quite a while. At first you are in shock, and then you are in denial. And pretty soon reality puts your emotions on trial. You lose so much, but the first you lose is your smile. To others you seem okay, but you really are not. The grief that you feel is only the start Because your child now lives only in your heart You treasure each picture that is all you have got You cling to memories that you thought you forgot You know your life will never again be the same. You pretend things are okay, and you hide your pain. You just want someone to mention his name. So you can imagine that he is beside you again. Sometimes you feel like you are going insane You still feel all alone, even when in a crowd. Others can speak of their children of whom they are proud, But to talk about your child, somehow isn't allowed So your
Read more

What I wouldn't do for 5 more minutes....

If someone had told me 2 years ago I be sitting here writing a Blog about the death of my son, I would have probably not believed them. Not that I didn't doubt that there was a possibility that my son will not be here, it would have been more about the blog. In my own abilities to write something that would affect others lives in a positive way. That was what this blog started out to be. To share my experience, strength, hope, and love, so not one more mother or father felt alone in their grief. The loss of a child to addiction is not like any other loss. Not that I'm discounting any other parents loss, don't take me wrong. Any loss, any grief in this way is horrifying. No parent should bury a child. I don't care what age. I don't care what the reason. However, watching your child kill themselves over an extended period of time is excruciating, unnecessary, and something that no one should have to endure. My story is similar to everyone else's and yet unlike e
Read more

Just a little bit

How do you put down in just a few sentences memorializing a life cut short by heroin and addiction? Collin was larger than life. Loved by all who knew him. He stood up for the little guy. Believed in justice for all. Gave all when he had nothing. Loved deeply. Lived like there was no tomorrow. More than anything he was loved beyond measure, beyond this life, into eternity. Heroin and addiction stole everything but the love. There is hope. He would want us all to spread the hope and the love. Collin we will love you for always. This was for Shatterproofs 5k in Kansas City... It's Me © Jacqueline Grieve Published on March 2011 Hey, you guys, don't feel guilty, It was just my time to go. I can see you're all feeling sad, I can see the tears still flow. My life's journey ended early, The path I chose was short. You all tried your best to change it, But in the end it was for me to sort. I know I caused you sadness, I know caused you pain, But I was cap
Read more