Missing a few pieces...

Every year Mother's Day comes and Mother's Day goes. I enjoy my own children as they have, over the years  made me cards, letters, poems, hand prints, and miscellaneous trinkets. All are so precious and priceless to me. They cannot be duplicated or replaced. Even better, these moments are etched in my memory forever. They cannot be stolen, removed, or broken in any way. Even in the tragic loss of my son I am still his Momma and our memories cannot be taken away. I will have them forever. They our mine and immoveable from my life.
Now maybe I am so taken by these moments because I don't have my own Mom with me. She was taken from me so young. She was taken before she got to see all the cards, handprints, trinkets, flowers in paper cups, and I Love My Mommy poems. Before milestones like school plays,choir show cases, ball games, proms, graduations, weddings, babies, and so much more.
I muddled along, filling the void in my heart left by the absence of my Mother. Recent events of the past few years, especially this last year, has my heart and my mind wandering to thoughts of her. Her touch, her voice, her eyes, her smell, her kind heart and words. These are the very few memories I carry with me. I have wondered if that if she were here with me would things be better, less painful. Would my family be less torn apart by all the tradgedy? Would there have been any of the tradgedies at all had she been in my life? It's thoughts like these that get me into trouble....the fact of the matter is I miss her, but I am still her daughter and she is still my mother! NO ONE  ever took her place. I miss her more than I can put into words. However, just as she is still my Mother, I am still a mother of 5 children. Even though one is missing from me, I am still his Momma!
I miss him with every fiber of my being. Yet I am blessed beyond measure for my God bestowed upon me 5 beautiful children to Love and share all that I have and all that I am and all that I ever will be here on this earth while I am with them. That is what she would have taught me and raised me to do. Love beyond measure...Yes, she loved me beyond measure! Just as I love my children. All of them. To the moon and back! More than all the stars in the sky! More than the warmest of sunshine on my face! Until my last breath! I will love you my children! Even then I will love you into eternity 💙

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sharing Another Mother's Grief

This poem was written by Aline Lomastro Losing a child Do you want to know what it is like to lose a child? Sit down, let's talk, this could take quite a while. At first you are in shock, and then you are in denial. And pretty soon reality puts your emotions on trial. You lose so much, but the first you lose is your smile. To others you seem okay, but you really are not. The grief that you feel is only the start Because your child now lives only in your heart You treasure each picture that is all you have got You cling to memories that you thought you forgot You know your life will never again be the same. You pretend things are okay, and you hide your pain. You just want someone to mention his name. So you can imagine that he is beside you again. Sometimes you feel like you are going insane You still feel all alone, even when in a crowd. Others can speak of their children of whom they are proud, But to talk about your child, somehow isn't allowed So your
Read more

What I wouldn't do for 5 more minutes....

If someone had told me 2 years ago I be sitting here writing a Blog about the death of my son, I would have probably not believed them. Not that I didn't doubt that there was a possibility that my son will not be here, it would have been more about the blog. In my own abilities to write something that would affect others lives in a positive way. That was what this blog started out to be. To share my experience, strength, hope, and love, so not one more mother or father felt alone in their grief. The loss of a child to addiction is not like any other loss. Not that I'm discounting any other parents loss, don't take me wrong. Any loss, any grief in this way is horrifying. No parent should bury a child. I don't care what age. I don't care what the reason. However, watching your child kill themselves over an extended period of time is excruciating, unnecessary, and something that no one should have to endure. My story is similar to everyone else's and yet unlike e
Read more

Just a little bit

How do you put down in just a few sentences memorializing a life cut short by heroin and addiction? Collin was larger than life. Loved by all who knew him. He stood up for the little guy. Believed in justice for all. Gave all when he had nothing. Loved deeply. Lived like there was no tomorrow. More than anything he was loved beyond measure, beyond this life, into eternity. Heroin and addiction stole everything but the love. There is hope. He would want us all to spread the hope and the love. Collin we will love you for always. This was for Shatterproofs 5k in Kansas City... It's Me © Jacqueline Grieve Published on March 2011 Hey, you guys, don't feel guilty, It was just my time to go. I can see you're all feeling sad, I can see the tears still flow. My life's journey ended early, The path I chose was short. You all tried your best to change it, But in the end it was for me to sort. I know I caused you sadness, I know caused you pain, But I was cap
Read more