Six Months

It's been tough lately. I'm angry, sad, bitter, tough yet weak, just a plethora of things all at the same time. You've been gone 6 months. It is hard not to count the months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, and even the seconds. Every moment somehow gets consumed with missing you. I look into the eyes of your siblings and see their sorrow. I think of you. I feel the tightening in my chest. I think of you. I feel the anger swelling up inside of me towards so many for all sorts of reasons and I think of you. I get angry with myself and I think of you. I think of her and I think of you. I think of the baby she carries that she won't find out if it's yours or not just to spite me and I know that you would hate it! I get angry and I know what you would do and I can't in your place. It's slowly Killing me. She doesn't care and I think of you. She is going to keep us from him. I think of you and how much Family meant to you. My mind goes directly back to you. What do I do? Tell me. Show me. I'm tortured daily by all of the insanity and you're not here. All the lies and games. All the old crap that you'd hate. Your beautiful soul and it's not going to be honored if that is your son and it's slowly Killing me. A part of you may live on and I can't even imagine a day without you in it let alone not being there for your son. Six months ago you left us and every day is like torture. I do things to ease the pain and educate others and to honor you. I don't want anyone to ever forget you or that huge heart. Please send an angel to speak to her heart to honor you and your son...he will need all of his family to get through this Life. You knew that better than anyone.
Six months ago I lost a piece of my heart forever... my life forever changed...my son taken too soon.
Collin Gregory I love you so much and I'd Give anything to tell you that in person one last time. To hold you one last time. To laugh with you one last time. You will always be my sunshine. Please find a way to help me fight for you and your little sunshine. I know you. I know you would want him to know who you were and who his family is. Find a way to that heart of hers. It's the only way he will survive this life. I will always Fight for you and I will always love you and honor you and your memory. My heart Misses your heart.

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