Unending Love ❤️
These past few months during the summer days hasn't been as easy for me as I would have liked them to be. Usually summer flies by so quickly, with things to do and kids running in and out. This summer was quite the opposite. I found it to be a lonely and quiet one. My youngest not so young and my oldest out on their own. With Collin permanently gone from our physical lives, the obvious empty space unable to be filled made it almost unbearable.
All of my children made their best attempts to Always be there and make me laugh and share their lives with me. Letting me know what family is for. Allowing me to grieve yet not letting me forget that I have a responsibility to them to be present for them. Not just present but alive in spirit, body, and mind.
This isn't an easy task. My mind is cluttered with memories and shattered by grief. My spirit crushed by the loss of one of my children, a hole that can't ever be filled. My mind playing tricks on me and constantly forgetting things that are important for daily living. My children have always been my reason for living. All five of them. Not one more important than the other. Taking away one doesn't lesson the love for the other four. However, what it did do was make my life so much harder to live.
Surely I do appreciate the smaller things more. The hugs, the smiles, the laughter, the attempts at Making each moment count. Every memory made ingrained in my mind Forever! Losing my son has changed me! It has molded me into a different person and each day I recognize myself less and less. It scares me.
Collin was a larger than life kind of person. He was a firecracker. He had a zeal for doing what others would say that they'd do but wouldn't. He'd just go do it! He had aspirations to live, to love, to marry and have a family of his own!
Today he'd have that. A boy! One that I may never get a chance to know. My heart and soul is wracked with grief over losing one of my children and now I have to live with the knowledge that I lost the chance of ever knowing his family too. All in the name of Addiction.
Addiction stole my son, it took his family and ripped it to shreds! It stole his future! We are left here holding only memories of yesterdays! His tomorrow's gone forever. He was only 22 with a whole life ahead of him. A life full of love, joy, happiness, laughter, and promise yet to be had.
Am I angry? No! I am saddened that we all will never have the chance to see his tomorrow's! To share his story of who he truly was with his son. To give a boy a chance at another huge family full of love. All because of one fateful night. One choice he can't take back.
I will never stop hoping that I will someday see this beautiful boy and tell him how much I love him. How much Collin would have loved him. How much we all love him.
Until then, my dearest sweet grandson, baby of my baby, I will love you unconditionally.
To the moon and back
More than all the stars in the sky and
More than the warmest of sunshine on my face
I will love you forever and into my eternity
I will always love you!
Love Collin's Momma and your Grandmother. ( Below Collin's first picture & him at 21)
All of my children made their best attempts to Always be there and make me laugh and share their lives with me. Letting me know what family is for. Allowing me to grieve yet not letting me forget that I have a responsibility to them to be present for them. Not just present but alive in spirit, body, and mind.
This isn't an easy task. My mind is cluttered with memories and shattered by grief. My spirit crushed by the loss of one of my children, a hole that can't ever be filled. My mind playing tricks on me and constantly forgetting things that are important for daily living. My children have always been my reason for living. All five of them. Not one more important than the other. Taking away one doesn't lesson the love for the other four. However, what it did do was make my life so much harder to live.
Surely I do appreciate the smaller things more. The hugs, the smiles, the laughter, the attempts at Making each moment count. Every memory made ingrained in my mind Forever! Losing my son has changed me! It has molded me into a different person and each day I recognize myself less and less. It scares me.
Collin was a larger than life kind of person. He was a firecracker. He had a zeal for doing what others would say that they'd do but wouldn't. He'd just go do it! He had aspirations to live, to love, to marry and have a family of his own!
Today he'd have that. A boy! One that I may never get a chance to know. My heart and soul is wracked with grief over losing one of my children and now I have to live with the knowledge that I lost the chance of ever knowing his family too. All in the name of Addiction.
Addiction stole my son, it took his family and ripped it to shreds! It stole his future! We are left here holding only memories of yesterdays! His tomorrow's gone forever. He was only 22 with a whole life ahead of him. A life full of love, joy, happiness, laughter, and promise yet to be had.
Am I angry? No! I am saddened that we all will never have the chance to see his tomorrow's! To share his story of who he truly was with his son. To give a boy a chance at another huge family full of love. All because of one fateful night. One choice he can't take back.
I will never stop hoping that I will someday see this beautiful boy and tell him how much I love him. How much Collin would have loved him. How much we all love him.
Until then, my dearest sweet grandson, baby of my baby, I will love you unconditionally.
To the moon and back
More than all the stars in the sky and
More than the warmest of sunshine on my face
I will love you forever and into my eternity
I will always love you!
Love Collin's Momma and your Grandmother. ( Below Collin's first picture & him at 21)
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