Caught up in it...

As I sit here caught between joy and brokenness my thoughts Always go-to my son. He is always with me. Ever present even in his absence. Even with the birth of the baby, and no matter what anyone says, I look in that sweet baby boys face and I know deep in my Mom heart who he is, can tell me Differently! Even though this is a bittersweet Moment in time. Even though I cannot meet him yet. Not hold him or sing our songs as I did with his Daddy and his siblings. My heart is already there.
Here in this beautiful place with my own babies, with one of my forever friends, trying so hard to celebrate life, I feel torn. I want to run, go to my baby's boy and just hold him and whisper in his ear how much his Daddy loves him. How much we love him. How beautiful and smart and important he is already at only 10 days old.
His Momma did a wonderful job and his is perfect in every way possible. I am humbled by God's blessings, grace, and mercy. I want to shout from every roof top how good He is and cry my guts out all at the same time. Patiently waiting for anything has never been a strong suit for me but in this instance I will be grateful to wait for this. This huge Beautiful tiny bundle of wonderful that I cannot wait to see. My heart is full and anxious but I'm also painfully aware of what is in my power to handle and what is not. This is one of those moments in time that my role is just to be. Be patient. Be kind. Be loving. Be brave. Be humble. Be grateful. Be Honest. Be the best version of me that I was created to be.
Every day is a new adventure. Sometimes one that I want to be on and other days one I want to run from. Today I want to run towards it. For the first time since Collin died, I feel hope and I pray that this feeling stays around, we all need a little hope Sometimes.

Love to All

Collin's Momma

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