Always Loving Him 💙

There are just days when I wake up and they are beautiful, and I can go out into the world and do and be and function like I did before everything went so horribly wrong. I still think of you often on those days. I still weep in silence and speak your name, but it doesn't make my heart ache to where I am paralyzed from it. Then there are still those days where I get so overwhelmed by the pain of knowing that I will never, in my lifetime, see, touch, hug, laugh with you, or share another Moment with you that it shakes me to the core of my being!
I want any other Mother or Father out there to hear me on this. It is ok to be a total mess sometimes. To wake up and feel like you've made no progress and that you just want to hide from the world. Do not feel like you are alone in this! The sad fact of all of this is that even if your family and closest friends do not understand why you are the way you are, there are millions of people out there who do! The number is growing daily.
I feel the most alive and productive when I'm doing something to help be a part of the solution to this horrible epidemic that is over taking our country. Speaking out. Writing this blog. Going to speak with others. Talking with kids. Talking with people in Recovery. Letting anyone out there know that I care. Because I don't want one more person to feel like they don't have love. Or to feel alone. To chase that high so far that they'd risk dying for it.
My heart aches not only for my child but for all those who are hurting. It's a curse and a calling. If you get to where you are able to get up and get dressed and function again.
Take a chance and get out there with me...do it in Love and in honor of your Loved one. I promise it will help to ease your heartache. It won't take it away but it will help.
I know that my Collin would have been proud of me. He would be proud of what love I am attempting to give those around me. I miss him more every single day but I don't know where or when I will see him again. So until then, there's alot of work to do...
So, go in Love. Go in Peace. Make a difference in this world one baby step at a time and see where it takes you...

All my Big Love,

Collin's Momma

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