Never Forget

https://youtu.be/vKH2lMtT36A

Sometime in the middle of the night around 2am I get a text from my oldest son saying he can't stop watching this video. He can't stop crying. I don't receive this text until 9 upon Awakening. I ask him what video? What are talking about? Then it hits me that the boys from our local High School must have finished and released the finished product and I just hadn't heard anything from them.
My eldest son Cody had been tagged in it on Facebook and seen it before even knowing what it was. Collins fiance also was tagged. I watched it for the first time this morning. Tears streaming down my face with my baby Caroline by my side. It kind of was like reliving that moment all over again. Only this time, I knew I was doing it for a greater purpose. To hopefully save a life and honor my son's life.
My poor kids. They are all so devastated still. Just yesterday my two older boys both called and texted me one crying one just telling me how wrecked he still is. Just the devastating effect that this has left on all of us leaves me breathless at times. Then the very next day we hear of this video and BAM like a shot to the head from a baseball! Leaves you spinning and a heck of a headache! It never ends.
Caroline quietly just stands up and says that she's going to her room now. I can't even speak. Then she asks moments later if she can go over to her cousins and help her get ready for her birthday party. So much like her momma. She stays busy helping so she doesn't have to feel the immense pain in her chest. She puts on her best smile and moves forward without thought. She is tougher than the rest! It worries me.
God bless my kids for they know not how much it kills me daily and how scared I am to lose one. I let them go though. I watch them grow scared as hell! Wondering if they will be here with me until​ my last breath. I hold on to every moment and cherish them. I watch every movement and smile. I tell them every freaking chance I get how much I love them.
I don't miss a moment. Never again will I miss a moment.
Moments were stolen from us! Collin we love and miss you! We will honor you and never let them forget! 💙

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Sharing Another Mother's Grief

This poem was written by Aline Lomastro Losing a child Do you want to know what it is like to lose a child? Sit down, let's talk, this could take quite a while. At first you are in shock, and then you are in denial. And pretty soon reality puts your emotions on trial. You lose so much, but the first you lose is your smile. To others you seem okay, but you really are not. The grief that you feel is only the start Because your child now lives only in your heart You treasure each picture that is all you have got You cling to memories that you thought you forgot You know your life will never again be the same. You pretend things are okay, and you hide your pain. You just want someone to mention his name. So you can imagine that he is beside you again. Sometimes you feel like you are going insane You still feel all alone, even when in a crowd. Others can speak of their children of whom they are proud, But to talk about your child, somehow isn't allowed So your
Read more

What I wouldn't do for 5 more minutes....

If someone had told me 2 years ago I be sitting here writing a Blog about the death of my son, I would have probably not believed them. Not that I didn't doubt that there was a possibility that my son will not be here, it would have been more about the blog. In my own abilities to write something that would affect others lives in a positive way. That was what this blog started out to be. To share my experience, strength, hope, and love, so not one more mother or father felt alone in their grief. The loss of a child to addiction is not like any other loss. Not that I'm discounting any other parents loss, don't take me wrong. Any loss, any grief in this way is horrifying. No parent should bury a child. I don't care what age. I don't care what the reason. However, watching your child kill themselves over an extended period of time is excruciating, unnecessary, and something that no one should have to endure. My story is similar to everyone else's and yet unlike e
Read more

Just a little bit

How do you put down in just a few sentences memorializing a life cut short by heroin and addiction? Collin was larger than life. Loved by all who knew him. He stood up for the little guy. Believed in justice for all. Gave all when he had nothing. Loved deeply. Lived like there was no tomorrow. More than anything he was loved beyond measure, beyond this life, into eternity. Heroin and addiction stole everything but the love. There is hope. He would want us all to spread the hope and the love. Collin we will love you for always. This was for Shatterproofs 5k in Kansas City... It's Me © Jacqueline Grieve Published on March 2011 Hey, you guys, don't feel guilty, It was just my time to go. I can see you're all feeling sad, I can see the tears still flow. My life's journey ended early, The path I chose was short. You all tried your best to change it, But in the end it was for me to sort. I know I caused you sadness, I know caused you pain, But I was cap
Read more