There Will Be Days Like This...
I don't think I can ever say goodbye to you Collin Gregory! Certainly I have good days, ones where I can see light at the end of the tunnel. Then there are days where I wake up in a sweat. Thinking of things I shouldn't. Angry at total strangers. Wanting to help in a time of crisis and not knowing where to begin. I watch as your best friends your brothers and sister and Brit, they struggle to have lives! I can't fix it for any of them! I see your son and I see you in him! I want to see him every day but I can't...distance in miles just doesn't allow it! I get angry about that! Why did you have to move so far away! Then I answer my own question and I'm not angry anymore....it comes and goes in waves.
Your brother is having a baby of his own... He Misses you! Our family is growing and I can't tell you but in my dreams! I talk to you every day....do you hear me I wonder?
I only blinked Collin, that's all I did! That's all it took and you went from my little angel boy to a man making your own decisions. I only just blinked...
I just can't say goodbye to your sweet face....I see you everywhere. I miss you wherever I go. Don't worry I'll be okay, I just have a bad day once in a while and need to tell you that I miss you so much my chest hurts! That my love for you is infinite! That though we may not have agreed on a lot, I loved you no matter what! ALWAYS AND FOREVER! Yes I was a crazy Momma who loved her kids with all that was in her! At the end of the day my son, LOVE is all that mattered! You got that....
I want to make a mark on this world, this epidemic. I have a burning desire to do it in your name. To save just one would mean that you didn't die in vain.
I have no idea where to start. I began just speaking up. I see others doing it. I feel their pain. Their urgency to stop the madness. I understand it. I've found a place where I fit in...it's sad! There are so many of us out there. I say us as in parents and children. You are still my child even though we are separated physically you are with me every single day!
You are still a piece of my heart along with all of your brothers and your sister. Add to that your son and your soon to be niece/nephew. Top that off with the women in all of my boys lives...I have a long list of people who occupy space in there. Yes Collin, I know what you are going to say...I trust to easy and let people in too quickly! Well, I always told you if you don't take a chance how will you ever know!
All I do know is, my heart has a spot that had room only for you. Now that spot is void, I can't fill it, I can't remove it, I can't, hide it, build a wall around it, I certainly cannot change who I am just to protect it! So, I have days like today. Days where I feel physically ill. Mentally exhausted. No will to move or do anything. I pray. I still go on with my day only because I have to. I fake a smile or two. I cry. I look at pictures and remember what a great time we all had together. I try to focus on the good stuff. I do not live in these days.
However, I will still NEVER say goodbye. I will see you again. I don't know when our time will come, but I hold on to that. Until then your siblings, your Dad Jim, your beautiful son Brayden, and some great friends and some family keep me going. It's been tough, I'm not gonna lie, but that smile sticks in my minds eye...it brings me Joy...now that's a God thing! Gosh sends me Strength! He has done the most!
So I will see you later sweet boy!
Love you to the moon and back
More than all the stars ✨ in the sky
Into my eternity
Your brother is having a baby of his own... He Misses you! Our family is growing and I can't tell you but in my dreams! I talk to you every day....do you hear me I wonder?
I only blinked Collin, that's all I did! That's all it took and you went from my little angel boy to a man making your own decisions. I only just blinked...
I just can't say goodbye to your sweet face....I see you everywhere. I miss you wherever I go. Don't worry I'll be okay, I just have a bad day once in a while and need to tell you that I miss you so much my chest hurts! That my love for you is infinite! That though we may not have agreed on a lot, I loved you no matter what! ALWAYS AND FOREVER! Yes I was a crazy Momma who loved her kids with all that was in her! At the end of the day my son, LOVE is all that mattered! You got that....
I want to make a mark on this world, this epidemic. I have a burning desire to do it in your name. To save just one would mean that you didn't die in vain.
I have no idea where to start. I began just speaking up. I see others doing it. I feel their pain. Their urgency to stop the madness. I understand it. I've found a place where I fit in...it's sad! There are so many of us out there. I say us as in parents and children. You are still my child even though we are separated physically you are with me every single day!
You are still a piece of my heart along with all of your brothers and your sister. Add to that your son and your soon to be niece/nephew. Top that off with the women in all of my boys lives...I have a long list of people who occupy space in there. Yes Collin, I know what you are going to say...I trust to easy and let people in too quickly! Well, I always told you if you don't take a chance how will you ever know!
All I do know is, my heart has a spot that had room only for you. Now that spot is void, I can't fill it, I can't remove it, I can't, hide it, build a wall around it, I certainly cannot change who I am just to protect it! So, I have days like today. Days where I feel physically ill. Mentally exhausted. No will to move or do anything. I pray. I still go on with my day only because I have to. I fake a smile or two. I cry. I look at pictures and remember what a great time we all had together. I try to focus on the good stuff. I do not live in these days.
However, I will still NEVER say goodbye. I will see you again. I don't know when our time will come, but I hold on to that. Until then your siblings, your Dad Jim, your beautiful son Brayden, and some great friends and some family keep me going. It's been tough, I'm not gonna lie, but that smile sticks in my minds eye...it brings me Joy...now that's a God thing! Gosh sends me Strength! He has done the most!
So I will see you later sweet boy!
Love you to the moon and back
More than all the stars ✨ in the sky
Into my eternity
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