Our New Normal
Hey...I found this today and thought of us. I miss you More every day. Here's to our new normal....
What is Normal after your son dies? We were all so close...this just can't be right!
My new Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize your son is missing from all the important events in your family's life.
Normal is trying to decide how to include plus honor your child for Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th..Monday's, Tuesday's......
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what ifs & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving the same day continuously through your heart, eyes and mind- holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having your phone constantly in your hand. Playing games, scanning Facebook, reading articles about nonsensical things, looking up education on addiction, trying to find a solution... just so you aren't alone with your thoughts. My thoughts are scary!
Normal is staring at every young man who looks like your son and feeling hopeful for just the briefest of moments...and then realizing it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in your life with sadness always lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart.
Normal is saying out loud that your child died and seeing the horror in someones eyes and realizing it has become a part of your "normal."
Normal is at each milestone coming up desperately trying to honor your child's memory! Learning how to survive these days. Birthdays? Happy Birthday? Not really. How?
Normal is your heart warming and yet sinking at the sight or thought of something special your child loved. Remembering how he is not here to enjoy it.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my son's name and normal is making sure that he is never forgotten.
Normal is after the services are over everyone goes on with their lives, but grief is my constant companion.
Normal is weeks and months after the initial shock, the pain and grief still hurts every day.
Normal is walking away from people who try to compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares to child loss. Nothing.
Normal is making plans to be constantly busy, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.
Normal is accepting that you do cry everyday.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have 4 children or 5, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth the pain of explaining that one child has died.
Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours. Because you would have gladly given your life for that of your child's.
Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss. EVER!
Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- EVER!
And last of all...
Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are OK and everything can go back to normal.
Collin, you knew me so well. I'm not very good at hiding stuff. This new normal sucks! I don't want a new normal. I just want you. Your crazy, happy, live on the edge self!
I love you💙
What is Normal after your son dies? We were all so close...this just can't be right!
My new Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize your son is missing from all the important events in your family's life.
Normal is trying to decide how to include plus honor your child for Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th..Monday's, Tuesday's......
Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what ifs & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.
Normal is reliving the same day continuously through your heart, eyes and mind- holding your head to make it go away.
Normal is having your phone constantly in your hand. Playing games, scanning Facebook, reading articles about nonsensical things, looking up education on addiction, trying to find a solution... just so you aren't alone with your thoughts. My thoughts are scary!
Normal is staring at every young man who looks like your son and feeling hopeful for just the briefest of moments...and then realizing it will never happen.
Normal is every happy event in your life with sadness always lurking close behind, because of the hole in your heart.
Normal is saying out loud that your child died and seeing the horror in someones eyes and realizing it has become a part of your "normal."
Normal is at each milestone coming up desperately trying to honor your child's memory! Learning how to survive these days. Birthdays? Happy Birthday? Not really. How?
Normal is your heart warming and yet sinking at the sight or thought of something special your child loved. Remembering how he is not here to enjoy it.
Normal is having some people afraid to mention my son's name and normal is making sure that he is never forgotten.
Normal is after the services are over everyone goes on with their lives, but grief is my constant companion.
Normal is weeks and months after the initial shock, the pain and grief still hurts every day.
Normal is walking away from people who try to compare anything in their life to this loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares to child loss. Nothing.
Normal is making plans to be constantly busy, and trying not to cry all day, because you know your mental health depends on it.
Normal is accepting that you do cry everyday.
Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.
Normal is wondering this time whether you are going to say you have 4 children or 5, because you will never see this person again and it is not worth the pain of explaining that one child has died.
Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours. Because you would have gladly given your life for that of your child's.
Normal is knowing you will never get over this loss. EVER!
Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and it's probably never going to get any better -- EVER!
And last of all...
Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are OK and everything can go back to normal.
Collin, you knew me so well. I'm not very good at hiding stuff. This new normal sucks! I don't want a new normal. I just want you. Your crazy, happy, live on the edge self!
I love you💙
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