Sometimes I just want to scream...but I don't

As Collin's Birthday quickly approaches, I am painfully aware of his absence. It can fill a room with it's immense void! Yet I am also so attuned to my other children and their loss and promise of their futures I feel guilty for feeling the torture of the pain left by the emptiness I feel from his nihility. Love does not die when your child dies. Birthdays don't just disappear when they do. What I'm left with is memories of many happy years with a son who I cherished and more to come with children I adore. No more tomorrow's with my Collin and nothing can change that. It hurts like I've been hit by a train and yet I still want to celebrate his life! He was here! He lived! He loved! He was more than a damn statistic! He was , is and always will be my son! My other children are, and always will be my children! I will always celebrate their lives too! Why should I NOT celebrate Collin's life because it was cut short? Right now I just want to scream! Instead I will stay busy, do what I do, and mostly be ignored by the one person who I need to be there! Lord just keep me on the right path....

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