Doing The Best That I Can

So I get up every day and try to start out Happy. I mean, I have my health, my 4 other kids, my grandson, another on the way, my marriage hasn't died yet. My faith has not been shattered yet! I mean. Life is good compared to most!
I could complain and tell you the million and one things that are wrong, I won't of course. I've done that and it does absolutely nothing for me but make me so angry that I can't breathe.
So, I pretend to outsiders that all is well. My big shiny smile, my winning personality, my giving spirit, my laughter and joy and all that I am just come so naturally! Bahahahhah
Are you kidding me?!?!? I have to work at that shit! EVERY SINGLE DAY! EVERY SINGLE moment! When no one is looking, I am still crying! I look at my grandson and see my son and I bawl, with bittersweet sweet gratitude and complete LOVE and affection in my Momma grandma heart! Some days all I do is cry! The things I do to get through a day would shock you! But I get through the day! God gets me through them!
For almost 16 months now God and God alone has gotten me through some of the worst moments of my entire life... believe me my life wasn't a bowl full of cherries to start with. He has always been there. Cheering me on! Pushing me forward when all I wanted to do was curl up and quit! He would not let me! He had something else planned...
Even now. When the darkness comes, a gentle voice says it will be alright if you just bring it to the well my daughter! I love you beyond measure. Go spread my Love and you will be ok...
So I put on my smile and I share my BIG LOVE 
I share my son and his love.
I share my story
My pain
My realness with whoever will hear it and I tell you that there are days when I get up and don't want to but I get up.
There are days when I smile and Don't want to but I smile
There are days when all I want to do is curl up and fade away but I don't...
Because I don't want anyone else to feel THAT alone...
I'm here
I love you
You are never alone as you think you are.
Share some love today...
It feels good 
All My Big Love
Collin's Momma 

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