A Mother's Love Story

I woke up today after not sleeping as well as I had hoped, thoughts swirling around in my head of last year's events kept my mind occupied more than I had hoped. It is not that I didn't want to think or dream of my son. That's not the case at all, I want to think of Collin, remember him in all the ways that matter. Honor him, bring joy to our lives with his memory. That however is not what happened last night. Jumbled thoughts of the events leading up to the phone call that just about broke me is what happened. Thoughts of the call and the events afterwards those are the things that went through my mind last night. I have determined that I spent the next seven to eight days last year, in a fog. I simply want about the Motions of doing what I had to do to survive it. I practically held my breath until I could just hold him once again. Completely shattered once I saw him! All I wanted at that point was to hold on and to never let go. I was completely prepared to sleep at t

Some days there are just no words available to express my love or the pain... Some days there are no words to write, no poems to share or light to give to make the pain go away...some days there is just nothing. So for now I will just write: I love you more than words can say I miss you more than any poem can express And I will always love you into my eternity!

Brayden Ya know, every day that passes, my mind goes to places unseen by anyone but my kids or I and those who knew us best... sometimes they are beautiful places, other times places of regret. Mostly, I just get to remember the love shared between all of us. I am trying to find peace and comfort in the madness of our lives. Anyone who knew all of us, Collin and his 4 beautiful siblings, and I mean truly knew what was written on our hearts! Well, we have a love that even death cannot steal from us. This is where I will find my peace, the legacy in which we all can share with Brayden and Dylan's soon to be new addition and any others that come to Bless our lives. Our hearts may always have a place not filled, a void left behind, but we will always have room for more love to grow and to share 💙 More lessons for me to learn and more Joy in life to live 🌞 Love you still and always will

As the days draw near to the year mark of the day that dreaded call came, so many thoughts, memories, feelings, and emotions just keep rolling in. I can't seem to keep my mind on anything else. I keep thinking about our last conversation and playing it over in my head. I knew that I should have called you after I didn't hear back from you. I have so much guilt, yet I know that it wasn't my fault or anyone else's. I'm angry yet sad. I feel alone yet surrounded by my kids, your siblings, and I feel so selfish for feeling so horrible all the time. Yet I can't shake it! I'm drowning in it! When will the nightmare be over? I ask myself that question all the time! I also answer it... NEVER. You are never coming back! I hate waking up to the same reality. The fact that you are never going to be with us again!  NEVER in our lives here on Earth! I love you as much as your brothers and sister! I love them as much as I love you! Living without one of you has been lik