A Mother's Love Story

Never in a million years did I think 10 months after my son died would I experience Joy. Somewhere in the beginning I had read that I would find it. Somedays I prayed for it, and I have searched for it because I did not want to spend the rest of my life feeling the utter desperation and destruction that I felt at that moment when he died. The journey that I have been on has been eye-opening, at times an utter struggle, a learning experience, painful, and there have been a million moments that I have had no words to explain exactly what it is I feel. I did however, realize that this journey has not been one that I've been on alone. Not only are there thousands of parents and loved ones on this journey but also my own family on it with me. My own children especially. Looking in their eyes has been the hardest thing to do. Wanting to protect your children is number one on your list of things the moment they're born that you want to do, and I'm unable to do that. Unable to pr

A very informative piece written by my niece. A must read! https://www.facebook.com/alishaevofit/posts/1837490366268854 The entire detoxification process for opiate addiction is about 12-18 months and it happens in three separate stages.  The bloodstream, which takes 3-7 days, the physical,  which lasts from 60-90 days, then there's the emotional and psychological detoxification, that starts about 4-6 months,  That's when the brain usually gets to some kind of chemical base line or relative thought process.  The key is to get them to this point.  Before this point, the brain is at a constant state of chemical incompetence.  If anyone isn't sure of the difference between a constant and a relative here is an analogy..... the sky is blue everyday,  no matter what its blue,  that is the constant,  what is relative is the particular shade of blue in the sky at any given time in the day.  After about two months of the brain maintaining this base line,  the final detox happens

I thought I was prepared for your first birthday in heaven...he'd be 23 today! Nothing could have ever prepared me for this day! The bittersweet of knowing you have a son gives me joy Beyond any measure, the pain of not being able to hold you and tell you how much I love you is also beyond anything I've ever known, anything I can possibly measure and anything I can possibly Express in this blog. To all the parents, friends, siblings, relatives and loved ones who have lost anyone to addiction or anything else that feel this pain, my heart goes out to you. The only thing I have to say today is that if you feel anything close to what I feel do not keep it to yourself please share it with someone whether it be via a Blog, Facebook, a loved one, a stranger... Please do not hold this inside because it will kill you emotionally mentally physically it will take you down and break you into so many pieces that you will not recover. I know that my son Collin would want me to carry on

As Collin's Birthday quickly approaches, I am painfully aware of his absence. It can fill a room with it's immense void! Yet I am also so attuned to my other children and their loss and promise of their futures I feel guilty for feeling the torture of the pain left by the emptiness I feel from his nihility. Love does not die when your child dies. Birthdays don't just disappear when they do. What I'm left with is memories of many happy years with a son who I cherished and more to come with children I adore. No more tomorrow's with my Collin and nothing can change that. It hurts like I've been hit by a train and yet I still want to celebrate his life! He was here! He lived! He loved! He was more than a damn statistic! He was , is and always will be my son! My other children are, and always will be my children! I will always celebrate their lives too! Why should I NOT celebrate Collin's life because it was cut short? Right now I just want to scream! Instead I w