A Mother's Love Story

As days turned into weeks and weeks into months, I sit here at 8 months reminded every day of an internal countdown.  You and I used to countdown to Beautiful Moments like vacations, Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, ball games, and anything else you could think of. Now my mind does a countdown to the day you left us. Its 8 months today that you left us. I remember when you were 8 months old to the day! It's very easy because Cody turned 2 that day. Your birthday's being on the 15th day of separate months mad milestones between the two of you easy to remember. Each milestone you achieved he was there  beside you. Prodding or smiling. You two were inseparable for many years growing up and I have so many wonderful memories of these years. You were so happy as a child! Always smiling and laughing. Climbing on everything and exploring! I can't tell you the time or day that your smile began to fade and your spirit with it, but I noticed the Change in you. I drove you crazy w

Just sharing some some education from the other side of the road... Yes, NARCAN is the subject and YES I'm pro NARCAN! I'M also pro saving lives no matter who or what the circumstances...love to all. https://addictionunscripted.com/a-letter-to-those-who-continue-to-perpetuate-the-stigma-of-addiction/

This poem was written by Aline Lomastro Losing a child Do you want to know what it is like to lose a child? Sit down, let's talk, this could take quite a while. At first you are in shock, and then you are in denial. And pretty soon reality puts your emotions on trial. You lose so much, but the first you lose is your smile. To others you seem okay, but you really are not. The grief that you feel is only the start Because your child now lives only in your heart You treasure each picture that is all you have got You cling to memories that you thought you forgot You know your life will never again be the same. You pretend things are okay, and you hide your pain. You just want someone to mention his name. So you can imagine that he is beside you again. Sometimes you feel like you are going insane You still feel all alone, even when in a crowd. Others can speak of their children of whom they are proud, But to talk about your child, somehow isn't allowed So your

Hey...I found this today and thought of us. I miss you More every day. Here's to our new normal.... What is Normal after your son dies? We were all so close...this just can't be right! My new Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile when you realize your son  is missing from all the important events in your family's life. Normal is trying to decide how to include plus honor your child for Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Years, Valentine's Day, July 4th..Monday's, Tuesday's...... Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what ifs & why didn't I's go through your head constantly. Normal is reliving the same day continuously through your heart, eyes and mind- holding your head to make it go away. Normal is having your phone constantly in your hand. Playing games, scanning Facebook, reading articles about nonsensical things, looking up education on addiction, trying to find a solution... just so you aren't alone

This day doesn't mark any special occasion or anniversary...just another day without you. Another memory comes up....Then another and another and on and on it goes! I'll have a lifetime of remembering and a lifetime of not one more new Moments with you! I have boxes of pictures I cannot find the courage to put together. A shrine to your memory that's unhealthy and not helping anyone. I can't let go because your my child, that doesn't die when you did! So I'm stuck here, miserable on the inside. Angry because I don't get to be with all of my children anymore! What a crew we all were! I love you and it's Killing me slowly. I love your brother's and your sister more than life. If I lost one of them it would be no different. I'm petrified about that too. However my boy what plagues me now is the utter loneliness I feel, the hole that you left. I can't fill it, fix it, pretend, or smile it away! I used to say no one could break me...that I was onl