A Mother's Love Story

I don't even know where to begin sometimes. I have so much to share, but have a hard time condensing it into something meaningful and helpful for those who share the same burden. Firstly, I want to say that over this past year it truly has been a year of ups and downs for me and my spouse and children. One of profound grief, Discovery, Joys, Sorrows, loss, and learning. Lots and lots of learning! The biggest thing that I have learned is that as any grieving person, not just a parent, you never get over your grief. You find ways to maneuver through it. You move forward, sometimes trudge, go through the motions, but you move forward. We are forced to continue on in life's journey without our child. I have found ways to cope or find peace on my good days and try very hard to incorporate that into my bad days. I have realized and come to terms with, that I am going to have bad days and I allow myself those moments. I try very hard not to live there. After over a year I took on

I've been slacking on my blog, I've been really busy and also because I don't quite know what to say without breaking down and crying and I don't want to do that. I took on a couple jobs because it was time... And I needed to get out of myself. Of course taking  jobs after not working for a year the house gets a wreck the kids are a wreck the husband a wreck... And I'm walking around in a fog. I feel drugged, I feel tired, and no matter how many times I tell myself that I'm okay I still feel so very sad. The tree is up lights are on the angels on top of the tree because it's the memory angel that was passed down to my sister when Carolyn died and then pass to me last year when Collin died. So that's the only decoration on the tree. I just don't have it in me to work two jobs and decorate the tree oh and there's a wreath on the door because my husband and the kids bought me a really pretty wreath and it smells of Pine and Christmas. Now I put mys