A Mother's Love Story

If someone had told me 2 years ago I be sitting here writing a Blog about the death of my son, I would have probably not believed them. Not that I didn't doubt that there was a possibility that my son will not be here, it would have been more about the blog. In my own abilities to write something that would affect others lives in a positive way. That was what this blog started out to be. To share my experience, strength, hope, and love, so not one more mother or father felt alone in their grief. The loss of a child to addiction is not like any other loss. Not that I'm discounting any other parents loss, don't take me wrong. Any loss, any grief in this way is horrifying. No parent should bury a child. I don't care what age. I don't care what the reason. However, watching your child kill themselves over an extended period of time is excruciating, unnecessary, and something that no one should have to endure. My story is similar to everyone else's and yet unlike e

So I get up every day and try to start out Happy. I mean, I have my health, my 4 other kids, my grandson, another on the way, my marriage hasn't died yet. My faith has not been shattered yet! I mean. Life is good compared to most! I could complain and tell you the million and one things that are wrong, I won't of course. I've done that and it does absolutely nothing for me but make me so angry that I can't breathe. So, I pretend to outsiders that all is well. My big shiny smile, my winning personality, my giving spirit, my laughter and joy and all that I am just come so naturally! Bahahahhah Are you kidding me?!?!? I have to work at that shit! EVERY SINGLE DAY! EVERY SINGLE moment! When no one is looking, I am still crying! I look at my grandson and see my son and I bawl, with bittersweet sweet gratitude and complete LOVE and affection in my Momma grandma heart! Some days all I do is cry! The things I do to get through a day would shock you! But I get through the da